ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
