I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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