Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
