Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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