The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
