from now on my penis is your penis
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
3 2 1 whiskey
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
