you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Houston, we have a blender
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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