it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
