ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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