I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
