my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
