just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
