I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
