you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
