MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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