I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
