omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
