I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Someone came in the potted fern
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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