So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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