omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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