sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
