Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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