the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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