i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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