After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
