I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
