You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
