I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
be right there i have to get my cape
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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