i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
