I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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