Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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