can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
