i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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