My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
