i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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