I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
