She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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