at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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