He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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