I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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