Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wear drunk well.
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