someone threw a dead crab at me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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