I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
