well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sacagawea was the original milf.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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