so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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