i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
