Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
