if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
