Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
