Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
