Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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